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“Now is my soul troubled. And what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? But for this purpose I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name.”
John 12:27-28 ESV
Obedience isn’t simply one moment — it’s a process connected by countless moments.
Imagine this: The Creator of the Universe, the King of Kings, the Lord of the Lords, the Son of Man, saying to you that His soul was troubled. Jesus our Redeemer, our sinless savior experienced grief, anger and frustration just like us. In John 12:27 we get a deeper glimpse into His inner world.
In the presence of His closest followers, Jesus expressed His soul , i.e. His psyche, was troubled. Meaning His “inner self, mind, thoughts, feelings, heart and being” were essentially being “deeply distressed, disturbed and thrown into confusion.” The reality of this is so humbling. Jesus was so utterly human that it’s almost disarming — and yet proves that even doing the holy, kingdom work of God can still cause us to feel troubled.
It had taken Jesus over thirty years to arrive at the very hour He was speaking of and when the hour finally came, His soul felt troubled about what was to come. Jesus didn’t start being obedient in this moment nor did He finish — in fact, every single step leading up to John 12 and every single step after reflected His soul’s commitment to glorify His Father’s name whatever the cost. What we witness in this passage is not a simple, singular moment in Jesus process towards obedience, but a deeply significant amalgamation of His life— His long journey towards becoming “obedient to death, even death on a cross. (Phil 2:8).
Beloved, obedience isn’t simply one moment — it’s a process connected by countless moments. In the midst of the journey of obedience, your soul may feel troubled like Jesus’ did. A troubled soul is not a faith deficit. Perhaps, it symbolizes obedience in the making.
As the obedience of our King dying on that cross was a life-long process, similarly our walk with Jesus is connected by countless moments in which we discern and reconfirm our decision to follow Him in faith over and over and over again.
So take heart and know that all that you feel, see and experience within your walk with Jesus is obedience in the making.
In Joy, Peace + Love <3
Riley Rae Baker
additional reading:
1 Samuel 15:22 / Psalms 119:10 / Deuteronomy 28:2 / Hebrews 5:8 / 1 John 2:5 / John 14:33
reflect:
Think of a time when your heart felt troubled. Has there been a time when your heart felt troubled but you knew it was God asking you to be obedient? Are you able to discern the difference between the two experiences? If so, name out the lies that you’ve heard and replace them with Gods truth.
centering prayer:
Jesus, I thank You that my decision to follow you and my faith in You is connected by countless moments. Within each of these moments is obedience in the making. I thank you Jesus that your life-long process was an amalgamation towards obedience “unto to death, even death on a cross.” I look to You as the ultimate example, Jesus and I thank you that you love me that much. AMEN.
